fic(spn) + mix: the end of nothing [aka so i had this nagging ideaaaaa.]

[alwaysenduphere]

title:the end of nothing
rating: pg-13
characters: sam, dean.
warnings: suicide and lack of coherency
summary: (lifetime after lifetime, pushing, pulling, yet no escaping.)
notes: 830 words. for dauntdraws - this isn't remotely what you described, because i couldn't remember it at all. but this is what stuck with me. perhaps i can do better justice of your idea some other time, if you'd like. to everyone else - idek what this is.




One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back-to-back they faced one another,
Drew their swords and shot each other.


This is the last time, he says. (finger pulling tight on the trigger of the gun his brother has carried at his side for fifty years, its ivory grips smooth and weathered, molded to Dean's hands.)

They both know it won't be. (it's never the last time, only the beginning of a new end.)

The shot goes off, a loud blast followed by a stunning silence. (down the body falls, splatter of red he's seen a million times before) -

~

"Saaaaaaaaaaam," a tiny scared voice moans. "Where'd you go?" Dean Winchester did NOT lose his littler brother in the women's section of Macy's, not after his mother specifically told them not to leave the shoe department. "I didn't mean it, you sissy," Dean shouts. "Just because you have long hair does NOT mean you should wear makeup, okay?"

The woman in housewares gives Dean a look, the kind that gets followed up with phone calls to child services. He stops yelling, stops looking like a lost puppy, and just feels. (find your brother, dean, just close your eyes and open your head.)

Sam's huddling in the second-floor changing room, thrill of riding the escalator unchaperoned flitting in his mind. When Dean finds him Sam's picking through a stack of bras their mother would probably be embarrassed to be seen with. "Sammy. Please don't do that again." (he has one job, just this one job, and he won't screw it up.)

"I'm sorry, Dean," Sam mumbles."I didn't mean to get lost."

"I know. I'm sorry you're so easy to make fun of. Just don't take it to heart, okay?" Dean cuffs his goofy little brother on the bag of the head, pulls him into a hug - (and it's like electrocution, lifetimes flooding in; 'you're my brother there's nothing i wouldn't do for you.') They jolt away from each other -

~

(Dean always finds Sam. Sam always finds Dean. This is how it always was. This is how it shall always be.)

~

"I can't do this," she says when he appears, her dagger in hand, tip pointed between her small breasts.

"Oh for Christ sakes Sammy, seriously you read too much. Cut the Shakespearean, high school drama shit out. I think we're above that, don't you think?" Dean sighs. "Can we talk about it, at least?"

"There's nothing to talk about, Dean. How many times have we done this? How many lives have passed that we don't remember?"

"Because the ones we do remember are SO awesome," Dean mumbles.

"Exactly." Dean steps closer to her, wraps one of his hands around hers (his hands still larger than her, everything about him still larger than her fragile frame)

"Well, what makes you think this will make any difference?" Dean whispers in her face.

"Something has to change, Dean. We can't keep doing this." Dean feels her grip tighten on the hilt, purpose in every finger. (he doesn't stop her)

~

(Sam is younger. Dean is older. This is how it always was. This is how it shall always be.)

~

Once he knew what to look for, Dean could feel Sam coming from miles away. The gentle scrape of Sam's boots on the weathered desert floor not remotely a warning sign, just simply confirmation of what he already knew. He doesn't turn to greet Sam (goodbyes and hellos are a waste of time)

What used to be Las Vegas spreads out before them, desolate landscape of dust and disaster. Fires burn in the distance. "Place was always a wasteland," Dean mumbles (thinks back to the last time he watched civilization fall). "Remember the last time, Sam?"

"I remember you setting the Bellagio on fire as a distraction so you could disappear. Took me six weeks to find you."

Dean chuckles. "Yeah, well. I was more determined then. (lifetime after lifetime, pushing, pulling, yet no escaping.)

This is their first meeting in this lifetime. "How'd you find me this time?" Dean asks.

"I wasn't trying."

~


Dean's bleeding out on the floor, hellhound claws gashed across his side. Sam stumbles, falls crashing into Dean, his face inches from Dean's when he lands. Tears flood down his face, landing on Dean's. Sam traces them across Dean's lips, glimpses into Dean's glassy eyes, and then (we will always end up here) -

~

A demon walks into a bar. No, that's not the joke. Not when the demon is Dean, and Sam is standing at the door.

"Hey, brother. Long time no see." Dean steps into the devil's trap hidden right inside. (might as well get this show on the road.)

"You know who I am?" Sam asks.

"Seven hundred years in the Pit, fresh out of hell, and I'd still know that goddamned soul anywhere, Sammy. No escaping."

Sam starts the exorcism.

~

- And as Sam's watching Dean's body drop to the floor in the silence left behind, he turns the gun to his own head. (he wonders who they'll be this time.)

~




the soundtrack (in no particular order) -
Kisses Over Babylon - Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros
Suicide Note - Johnette Napolitino
Kill All Your Friends - My Chemical Romance
Closing Time - Semisonic
The Beginning is the End is the Beginning - Smashing Pumpkins

Comments

[dawnintheforest.livejournal.com]

No, you're not crazy (referring to twitter). This was a neat concept. Very "Time Traveler's Wife" in a way.

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It's daunt's idea - well, partially, at least. I've never read the Time Traveler's Wife, though. :)

[dawnintheforest.livejournal.com]

Oh you should read it sometime! At first the whole dates vs differing ages thing is confusing, but once you get the hang of it it's really good.

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

I've the .pdf from a long time back, I just haven't got around to reading it, like the 293084 books I have in one form or another. :/

[waysides.livejournal.com]

massive fucking love; this was brilliant.

One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back-to-back they faced one another,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
any idea what it's originally from? I heard it for the first time in that Haunting in Connecticut movie last years

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

I heard it a lot as a child as a riddle or whatnot. I've always just taken it as one of those nonsense verses. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonsense_verse) I don't think there is an origin, really. Although google just found this (http://www.folklore.bc.ca/Onefineday.htm) which is rather interesting.

Also, thank you!

[waysides.livejournal.com]

Cool, thanks!

And you're welcome ♥

[tahirire.livejournal.com]

This is, like, everything I love in fic. For srs. Inescapably intertwined completely unaccepting fucked up boys. I heart you. ♥_♥

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you babby! I couldn't make heads or tails of what I was writing so I'm glad someone could find something in it. :)

[getyourguns.livejournal.com]

Holy shit. That's some good readin' right there, mmmhmm.

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

&hearts _______ &hearts

Here I thought I wrote this absolute crap but I just needed it out of my head and you're all telling me it's lovely. I am excited and yet confused, lol.

[getyourguns.livejournal.com]

That's how it usually happens.

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

LOL THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME TO UPLOAD THAT ICON.

So I guess I should just write without thinking more often, huh.

[getyourguns.livejournal.com]

Duh. ♥

[dauntdraws.livejournal.com]

Aw, YEAH that is awesome!

It IS different but a GOOD sort of different, I am so glad because it's a great perspective, and the pain between them is so clear. :(

This is beautiful. REALLY amazing job!

Someday I will do parts of my story idea in comic form. But we'll see, IDK how good wit would be by comparison to this!

[getyourguns.livejournal.com]

Every time I see that icon, I stare at it for like 5 minute thinking that's a stupid question because all I can think about are those ~lips

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

LOL IRL. ~partial comment twins~

[getyourguns.livejournal.com]

~great minds~

[dauntdraws.livejournal.com]

Omg it's so hot the way he -annunciaties-...It's like he's feeling every word. WITH HIS INCREDIBLE LIPS. *totally cheesy*

I love that icon :') THANK YOU.

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

As I sit here and watch your icon for a ridiculous amount of time.

Pain is kinda all they'd have left, wouldn't it be?

Thaaank you. *blushes* <3 <3

I'm sure it would be very awesome, it's such a neat idea!

[static-pixie.livejournal.com]

That was brilliant. Almost made me cry because it feels so true. Will rec, if you don't mind.

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

Ohhhhhh thank you! *blush* No, I don't mind at all. :)

[roque-clasique.livejournal.com]

Oh, yikes allmighty, that was good and soooooo sad.

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

You know, there are days I wish they weren't so sad. But then they wouldn't be them, heh.

Thank you very much, luv. :)

[blacklid.livejournal.com]

This is their first meeting in this lifetime. "How'd you find me this time?" Dean asks.

"I wasn't trying."

How very Gaimanian (?!) of you. ... GAIMNIAN? GAIMANESQUE? GAIMANKISH?

I LIKE.

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

I'd go with Gaimanesque? IDK I really like the -esque suffix.
(i still haven't read and gaiman don't hurt me i have it all in pdf form though)

Thank you very much! :)

[parva-ste11a.livejournal.com]

You're baaaack! Hooray!

Also: whoa.

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

eeeehhhh sorta. here and there.

good whoa? :)

[parva-ste11a.livejournal.com]

Terribly good whoa.

I was sad when I saw your hiatus/you-might-not-make-the-cut post. I rarely post myself, but I'm a longtime lurker!

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

Yay!

Yeah, idk. I'm still...kinda...on hiatus? I don't think I'll be posting personal deets for a bit, it doesn't really help to post them, but I'll stick around and post fandom stuff here and there. And haha, okay, you won't be cut! It's good to comment from time to time, though. ;)

[sakura-no-mi.livejournal.com]

This was an awesomely unique idea and really well written! <3

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you very much!

[a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com]

I...I love you...

*sobs*

*Saves*

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

D'aww, don't cry. At least they're always together? :P

Thank you for readin' :)

[jacyevans.livejournal.com]

My exact words, upon finishing: "Ho-ly shit."

This was amazing. I love the style of it, how every word has meaning, how Sam and Dean find each other in every lifetime, - friends, enemies, but always, always brothers.

"How'd you find me this time?" Dean asks.

"I wasn't trying."

God, just... yes. Beautiful. I am in love.

(Also, demon!Dean. YES.)

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

Always soulmates. :P Had to work demon!Dean in there somewhere, lol.

Thank you luv. :)

[jacyevans.livejournal.com]

Congrats! ☆ Your fic is recced here at sawedoff_recs :D

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

oh gosh bb, thank you! And I love what you wrote about it. <333

[paper-rose16.livejournal.com]

Ooooh *dies*

This is amazing! It reminds me of that horrible-because-it-was-so-ridiculous Will Smith movie, Hancock - especially the Las Vegas part. Where they're drawn to each other, but they can't for whatever reason stay together, so they're always meeting and leaving lifetime after lifetime and the world is worse off for it. And the last part .... *loves*.

And this is completely unrelated, but how did you get your text on the white background? Whenever I post to my lj, it just shows on my background theme?

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

Ahahahha Hancock. I had such high hopes for that movie. It was good in theory. Especially the 'drawn to each other no matter' part. But they didn't explain that part well. And ngl, I totally did think about it after I wrote this, haha. But YES, yes that's exactly what I was going for. XD

It's the non-customized default for LJ? Um, if you go to Journal Style -> Presentation -> Disable customized comment pages for your journal -> change the box to yes. That should fix it. Or if not, try clicking on the navigation bar at the top of your journal, 'view in original style.'

[keerawa.livejournal.com]

Powerful stuff, thank you.

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked it. :)

Sam starts the exorcism.

[paula-lirio.livejournal.com]

This was absolutely fantastic. &hearts

Re: Sam starts the exorcism.

[alwaysenduphere.livejournal.com]

Oh thank you so very much! &hearts