|★|we make our own future|★|

"The eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month" Of the eleventh yearrrrr!

I set my alarm to be awake for 11:11 today. Check that one off the bucket list.

I have mixed thoughts about the military system in this country, not all of them good, but I will always be grateful to those choosing to dedicate a piece of their lives for what they think is right. I've never been fond of the use of the word "happy" before "Veteran's Day," as a majority of the Veterans I know have a hard time re-assimilating into normal lives after having served, making their lives so very not happy, and for some reason sticking that word, that thing that they can't seem to find anymore, in front of a day celebrating their service, just rubs me the wrong way. So instead I just choose to say Thank You Veterans.

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I've made this post almost every year since I've had this journal, and yet today it seems so much different.

I was in the band room, same place I was every morning freshmen year of high school (same place I always was, 3 years previous and following.) But we didn't play any music that day. There wasn't any learning coursework in any class that day. There was just shock and silence.


Four years later I was at Ground Zero, looking in at the holes left behind. Watching the remembrance service on television, I see what a beautiful memorial they've made out of the space, and for some reason it made me want to look at the pictures I took when I was there.
NYPD cars lined the streets across from Ground Zero.
The flag still flies.
The metal cross.


We will never forget. <3

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I've made this post almost every year since I've had this journal, and yet today it seems so much different.

I was in the band room, same place I was every morning freshmen year of high school (same place I always was, 3 years previous and following.) But we didn't play any music that day. There wasn't any learning coursework in any class that day. There was just shock and silence.


Four years later I was at Ground Zero, looking in at the holes left behind. Watching the remembrance service on television, I see what a beautiful memorial they've made out of the space, and for some reason it made me want to look at the pictures I took when I was there.
NYPD cars lined the streets across from Ground Zero.
The flag still flies.
The metal cross.


We will never forget. <3

so uh, i just buried my dog. my puppy. My Winchester. my mom let him loose and because he was a silly thing with too much energy, he ran away and some dick in a white truck didn't see him.

we only had him three months.

i wanted to burn him like only a Winchester should be buried, but my parents said it'd be too hard.




i don't...

What am I supposed to be thankful for now.

In Memory of Larry Bird
April 1992- June 29, 2009








( + 5 more in thumbnail form )
Hiatus until further notice.

In Memory of Larry Bird
April 1992- June 29, 2009








( + 5 more in thumbnail form )
Hiatus until further notice.

So, while I've been waiting for my crappy YouTube videos to upload, I've been poking around, watched the breakfast videos from the con that sin_attract posted. It almost looks like some of the stuff there was funnier than the panels. *shakes head* Jared and his ice packs. And Jensen just stands there shaking his head and lets Jared go off in 80 directions. Silly boys. I watched a bit of the actual panels too, and there was some really funny stuff I missed being so far back yonder in the room. lol. I'm not bitter or anything. :P But no, really, I was so glad to have gone, to have had the chance. I'm so thankful to Erin not only for taking me, but for pretty much letting me in on everything she was doing. We were like texting each other while she was getting her photo ops and autographs, so I wasn't completely out of the loop.

(this post is gonna take forever. And I still haven't showered or slept, lol)

I have little notes written like everywhere. I told myself I wasn't going to do anything but WATCH AND LISTEN during the panel, which is why there's few pictures and videos(that and I discovered my awesome camera wasn't so awesome 30-some rows back). I was sending text messages to people right and left during it though, and I even tried to voicepost them talking without being conspicuous, but I didn't press the right buttons. So after it was over I was writing little notes on this little notepad in my purse waiting on Erin to get her autographs, and then when we were talking driving back, I was saving drafts of text messages as I remembered stuff too. So, I kid you not, I have like notes here and there and everywhere in no particular order of what I could remember.

And I'm sure everyone's read stuff and seen some of the videos now, so mine's just another report, but I always try and read different perspectives (heck, I've read a bunch already, lol) so I'm adding mine to the mix as best as I can.

SO. Without futher ado, ( The wonders of Jared and Jensen live! )
And that's it and OH MY GOD IS THIS A LONG POST. LOL. I hope some people read this. If you don't because it's all stuff you've heard before, at least read the last couple paragraphs about Erin's experience, because that's definitely unique.

here's the link to part one, the journey to chicago and leading up to the boys appearance if you missed it or wanna read it now. Just in Case. LOL. Damnit, I took all the time posting these, I want someone to read them

And now I'm off to do SOMETHING useful. Theoretically. I'll probably just end up in Rachael and Nicole's room. Screw doing actual homework, lol. I'll just be lost in class tomorrow.

[Error: unknown template qotd] I was going to make this entry anyway, and since the writer's block addressed it, I figured I'd just do it this way...

My thoughts and beliefs haven't changed much since I wrote an entry in remembrance of 9.11 last year, so I prompt you all to read THIS entry.





The other purpose for this entry, completely unrelated and highly more lighthearted. It's about a dream. That I saved as a text message draft when my alarm woke me up from it. It was THAT exciting.

So, I'm watching the premiere of Supernatural at what appears to be my Grandmother's house, which now belongs to someone else. And we're waiting for it to start, we being me and a few others, including Sandra McCoy, who has control of the computer. She's surfing the internet, but when the time comes for the show to start, she flips the monitor over to the right channel. But I decide I don't like watching it there, so I turn around and watch it on the TV. Simple enough. So Dean pops out of hell, like we all know he's going to. And he ends up in this house, where he runs into Thandie Newton. He tries to ask her what happened, but she doesn't remember anything, says someone will show up to help him shortly. And then this evil teapot appears, who apparently has the power to erase people's minds, and he intends to do it with Dean. He greets Thandie and tells her he's excited to erase her memory of Dean. He tries to do his whole memory trick with Dean, but something doesn't work right for him, and he's confused. So he puts Dean to sleep. In his frustration, he reaches into Dean's brain with a ladle, and scoops out a bit of the goop in it. Which meant part of Dean's memory.

Then the dream shifted to a girl climbing like the ledge of a castle. I was never clear whether or not I was the girl or I was observing the girl. But somehow in some part of her life she'd known Dean, but she didn't really remember knowing him, only that he existed. And she's climbing near like a waterfront, and people below her are all abuzz about dragons floating around. So she hops down and begins to watch the dragons too. And they're soaring in the sky, and one of them actually makes a big splash into the water in front of them. People take pictures. But as she's watching the dragons float around, she has a flash of a world she thinks she once knew, and the dragons remind her of airplanes, things she's either seen or things Dean has told of in the world he came from before...

Then this giant ball of water starts floating around in the sky, slowly shaping its way into a unicorn. But no one has ever seen such a thing before where she is, so she's confused as to how she knows the word for the creature. And people start running around, chasing the ball/unicorn. She follows half-heartedly, taking off one of her gloves (because everyone on the world wears gloves) to hold her camera better, and the world flickers. She slowly takes off the other glove, and all the dragons the unicorn disappear, leaving just people running around in a dull field. She tries to get their attention, but they're lost in the world she now knows is fake. And then the jig was up, because my alarm went off. (my alarm is Renegade by Styx, if you don't get the pun.)

Now, are my dreams on crack or what.

Anyway. Take a moment to Remember September 11th. And then marvel in the wacky world that is my mind.

[Error: unknown template qotd] I was going to make this entry anyway, and since the writer's block addressed it, I figured I'd just do it this way...

My thoughts and beliefs haven't changed much since I wrote an entry in remembrance of 9.11 last year, so I prompt you all to read THIS entry.





The other purpose for this entry, completely unrelated and highly more lighthearted. It's about a dream. That I saved as a text message draft when my alarm woke me up from it. It was THAT exciting.

So, I'm watching the premiere of Supernatural at what appears to be my Grandmother's house, which now belongs to someone else. And we're waiting for it to start, we being me and a few others, including Sandra McCoy, who has control of the computer. She's surfing the internet, but when the time comes for the show to start, she flips the monitor over to the right channel. But I decide I don't like watching it there, so I turn around and watch it on the TV. Simple enough. So Dean pops out of hell, like we all know he's going to. And he ends up in this house, where he runs into Thandie Newton. He tries to ask her what happened, but she doesn't remember anything, says someone will show up to help him shortly. And then this evil teapot appears, who apparently has the power to erase people's minds, and he intends to do it with Dean. He greets Thandie and tells her he's excited to erase her memory of Dean. He tries to do his whole memory trick with Dean, but something doesn't work right for him, and he's confused. So he puts Dean to sleep. In his frustration, he reaches into Dean's brain with a ladle, and scoops out a bit of the goop in it. Which meant part of Dean's memory.

Then the dream shifted to a girl climbing like the ledge of a castle. I was never clear whether or not I was the girl or I was observing the girl. But somehow in some part of her life she'd known Dean, but she didn't really remember knowing him, only that he existed. And she's climbing near like a waterfront, and people below her are all abuzz about dragons floating around. So she hops down and begins to watch the dragons too. And they're soaring in the sky, and one of them actually makes a big splash into the water in front of them. People take pictures. But as she's watching the dragons float around, she has a flash of a world she thinks she once knew, and the dragons remind her of airplanes, things she's either seen or things Dean has told of in the world he came from before...

Then this giant ball of water starts floating around in the sky, slowly shaping its way into a unicorn. But no one has ever seen such a thing before where she is, so she's confused as to how she knows the word for the creature. And people start running around, chasing the ball/unicorn. She follows half-heartedly, taking off one of her gloves (because everyone on the world wears gloves) to hold her camera better, and the world flickers. She slowly takes off the other glove, and all the dragons the unicorn disappear, leaving just people running around in a dull field. She tries to get their attention, but they're lost in the world she now knows is fake. And then the jig was up, because my alarm went off. (my alarm is Renegade by Styx, if you don't get the pun.)

Now, are my dreams on crack or what.

Anyway. Take a moment to Remember September 11th. And then marvel in the wacky world that is my mind.

Kayla's post inspired me to post as well, because I too believe that so many people have forgotten why it is we're in a war, choosing to blame it on President Bush's bad decisions. Which I'm sure are true, to an extent. But even I admit that the choices made 6 years ago to respond to such violence with violence were quite possibly the only actions to take. But now, the point behind the war has almost vanished into nothingness, and now I too find it incredibly hard to support it. As Kayla said, I'm an anti-violent person, and it pains me to see conflict of any kind. I understand why we're there, and I support our troops one hundred percent. I just believe there are better ways to resolve things than to fight it out. I couldn't have said it any better. But it's not in my power or even my place to be able to change those things. All I can do is remember.

Ironically, when I woke up this morning and looked at the clock, it was 9:11 am. My mind's been alert of the date since I woke up, something odd for me, because I rarely know what day or date it is. And there's never a time that I don't look at a clock when it's 9:11 am or pm and not think back to that day.

I didn't learn what had happened until around 8:10 that morning when I got to the band room. When I walked in, I wondered why the TV was on, and curious, I sat down to watch. And I remember, we didn't practice any songs, I don't think we even played any music. We watched. My next few classes were abuzz with what had happened, and what still was, although some semblance of a normal day was kept. I don't really remember lunch, but I'm sure the TV's were on. But what sticks the most in my mind is Mrs. Sutton's class, which went by much like band did, eyes glued to the television. I remember watching the 5th and 6th building of WTC fall down, wondering how something so...massive happened. And seeing the smoke on the victims and watching the firemen search and rescue. And then the news about the plane going down and the Pentagon as well. I remember watching Mrs. Sutton's face of disbelief and slowly tears forming on her face, and I remember listening to Zack Young's impassioned declaration that America would fight back. Which, of course, we did.

I remember buying the button that said something about "remember 9/11" a few weeks afterward. It was $5, I believe and I wore it on my backback for the better part of 2 years. It still hangs in my room.

And I remember our senior trip to New York, seeing ground zero, seeing that one piece of building frame shaped in a cross, the huge whole in the ground where towers 1 and 2 stood, and still the damage on the buildings around them, and the overpowering sense of...raw emotions left hanging there almost 4 years before, and it was hard not to cry knowing the struggles that had happened very near where I was standing.

Like the 2 generations before us who can remember Pearl Harbor, our generation will always remember 9/11. But I hope that how united our country became after it is not lost in all the ways we are no longer united, and that the people who died trying to save others aren't ever forgotten.