|★|we make our own future|★|

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Innocence.

Or, I suppose you could call it ignorance, but as a child, I think the words are synonymous.


I could expand, but instead I'm off to clean up my cat's puke then visit my boyfriend on the oncology floor of the local hospital, not the shiny one in Indy. (Where, apparently, he'll be for 10 more days. WTF.)

...I miss being able to run for miles, competitions to see who can jump off the swings and land on their feet, and spend hours bouncing on a trampoline. Water jug fights on the last day of school, marching band bus trips, the toliet paper brigade, grass stains, pushing the merry-go-round, macarena on the playground, the children's museum, not knowing what the people of iran are going through, having a strong, active cat, only having peripheral knowledge of cancer, so on, so forth, gotta run.

;_;


And sometimes you close your eyes
and see the place where you used to live
When you were young

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Innocence.

Or, I suppose you could call it ignorance, but as a child, I think the words are synonymous.


I could expand, but instead I'm off to clean up my cat's puke then visit my boyfriend on the oncology floor of the local hospital, not the shiny one in Indy. (Where, apparently, he'll be for 10 more days. WTF.)

...I miss being able to run for miles, competitions to see who can jump off the swings and land on their feet, and spend hours bouncing on a trampoline. Water jug fights on the last day of school, marching band bus trips, the toliet paper brigade, grass stains, pushing the merry-go-round, macarena on the playground, the children's museum, not knowing what the people of iran are going through, having a strong, active cat, only having peripheral knowledge of cancer, so on, so forth, gotta run.

;_;


And sometimes you close your eyes
and see the place where you used to live
When you were young

I don't always feel the need to explain myself, but since I consider myself a member of a fandom that has been known to be partially batshit crazy at times, I think it's better to be as clear as possible. Plus I just feel like getting everything out in the open. :)

Am I too obsessed with the show? Probably. I used to sit in class and compare Milton and Doctor Faustus to Supernatural, I used to write fanfic when I was bored in class, and my vocabulary consists of dozens of references to the show. ("Douchnozzle" is my current favorite.) I've paid hundreds of dollars and drove several hours out of my way to see Jared and Jensen in Chicago in November two years in a row. I agree to do(mostly legal) things just to get other people to watch the show and spread the word. I realize some people consider this obsessed, and sure, maybe it is. But I still feel like I retain perspective.

Now that that's out there, the rest of this post is about said obsession. :) I give you: ( the lowdown on how I feel about Supernatural and fandom. )

last updated: 22 Feb. 2010

First off. Hee. I changed the language settings on my Facebook account to Pirate speak. It's oh so highly amusing. There's also Leet speak for the more geek-inclined.

Supernatural. Gah. How could I have ever doubted that this show would remain amazing to me? I mean, I wasn't, really, but I will admit, I've been overall disappointed with most of the episodes since 4.10. And this one? I have very little to complain about.

We've been reading Doctor Faustus in my lit class this week, and I'm constantly comparing Dean with Faustus, as well as Sam at times.

( I'll just cut this here )

My dl just finished, so I think I'm off to watch again. I wouldn't be surprised if this post got repeatedly edited throughout the evening. :P

( as I'm rewatching edits here )

I'm so hopelessly in love with this episode.

First off. Hee. I changed the language settings on my Facebook account to Pirate speak. It's oh so highly amusing. There's also Leet speak for the more geek-inclined.

Supernatural. Gah. How could I have ever doubted that this show would remain amazing to me? I mean, I wasn't, really, but I will admit, I've been overall disappointed with most of the episodes since 4.10. And this one? I have very little to complain about.

We've been reading Doctor Faustus in my lit class this week, and I'm constantly comparing Dean with Faustus, as well as Sam at times.

( I'll just cut this here )

My dl just finished, so I think I'm off to watch again. I wouldn't be surprised if this post got repeatedly edited throughout the evening. :P

( as I'm rewatching edits here )

I'm so hopelessly in love with this episode.

~"If something bad happens, I cross that bridge when I come to it, whether it's a broken bridge or a golden bridge."
Jensen Ackles from the Venice magazine article

The motto I'm currently living by.


Supernatural got the early renewal for season five. *fist pump* Means I can be an insane fangirl for another year, no excuses needed. I can't believe Smallville and One Tree Hill are still going, though. Guess it shows a show can survive even if cast member start disappearing.

Thoroughly the most stressed I've ever been. Hiatus is still on, at least until Thursday evening, for sure. Just popping in to shine out what little light I have keeping me going. I hope everyone had a nice Mardi Gras today/yesterday, since it's now after midnight.

/edit: new layout. new profile: darkmerrick.
crimson_rainbow got a matching change, too, but nothing new posted. :/ my brainz is brokenz.

In regards to one Dean Winchester:

He would have to rely on the might of his arm. So must a man do who intends to gain enduring glory in a combat. Life doesn't cost him a thought. ~Beowulf, around line 1535.


In regards to one Jared Padalecki:

Leave BritneyGenevieve alone!! lol. No, really. It's no one's business but their own, and I feel sorry for the poor girl for all the heat she's getting from fandom, and even more sorry for Jared for knowing that it's being linked with him that's bringing it all on her. Really. It almost seems like people don't want him to be happy unless its with Jensen, and that's just a whole 'nother ballgame.

(*cough* on the bright side, at least he can still shout "Jen/Gen" when the timing is right, if ya know what I mean? *cough grin*)

In regards to one Dean Winchester:

He would have to rely on the might of his arm. So must a man do who intends to gain enduring glory in a combat. Life doesn't cost him a thought. ~Beowulf, around line 1535.


In regards to one Jared Padalecki:

Leave BritneyGenevieve alone!! lol. No, really. It's no one's business but their own, and I feel sorry for the poor girl for all the heat she's getting from fandom, and even more sorry for Jared for knowing that it's being linked with him that's bringing it all on her. Really. It almost seems like people don't want him to be happy unless its with Jensen, and that's just a whole 'nother ballgame.

(*cough* on the bright side, at least he can still shout "Jen/Gen" when the timing is right, if ya know what I mean? *cough grin*)

Pain seems to scream. It asks for all of our attention. Pain suggests that we are only broken, that we are only all the things in us that ache. Certainly, we are responsible for our actions but "forgiveness" is a beautiful word. "Change" is a beautiful possibility. "Hope" and "rescue" are important words.

We are a people in need. We need so many different things: Friendship, love, conversation, medicine, encouragement, wisdom, hope. Whatever is broken, whatever your needs are, it's okay to be honest about those things. Your heart, your life, your mind, these things are golden, priceless. Please be careful with them. And your friends, your family, the people you love, they are golden too. Please be careful with them. Consider your words and actions, the way they affect people.

We've been given dreams and gifts and talents and ideas, and there are people in our lives that we are called to love. Pain would like nothing more than to destroy all of it.

Each of us fights for the things we call important - the things we hope for, the people we love. It will be a different sort of fight, one of patience and prayers, actions and choices and change. It will be a surgery of sorts, and we will need other people to go with us. It may sound difficult but there is much to be hopeful for.

I suppose that hope suggests a need, and it suggests that something has not yet ended. To have hope is to believe for change, to believe for a better ending.

I believe that pain is universal, which is to say that all of us can relate to pain. We break and don't fix easy. We break in different ways, at different times, for different reasons. We lose things. We get stuck in moments. We are slow to forgive, slow to change, slow to ask for help. Some are slow to truly love people.

It is easy to talk about love. Easy to write blogs about it, easy to talk about it on stages. Love, in that setting, is an idea, and ideas make for great conversations - inspiring even. It is another thing entirely to love people. I suppose it's because ideas are more comfortable than actions. It is a much more challenging gig to be a person who loves other people.

Love is a choice. It is an action. It looks like this:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

The truth is that I am a person in need, a broken person, a person who fails, often. I have a lot to learn. I have a long way to go.